One of the most difficult talks you could have with a loved one, particularly an elderly parent, is one regarding the need for caregiving. You love them and want what’s best for them while keeping them safe and that sometimes means jumping into the caregiving role. You and your loved one may not always see eye to eye but unless they are not able to effectively communicate their wishes, you must work together to ensure that both of you are satisfied.

Sometimes, the caregiving role may be limited to just needing daily assistance with household chores such as cleaning, washing clothes, transportation for errands and cooking. This could be due to some physical infirmities that do not totally keep them isolated, just slowed down a bit. Paying a companion to come in a few times a week would likely be sufficient and the discussion between you and your loved one would likely be low key on this score. However, what happens when cognitive impairment starts to trickle into your loved one’s every day life or their health is not adequate enough for living independently? The discussion regarding caregiving at this point is likely going to be heated.

The best thing you can do is prepare for “the talk” in advance so that you can counter with an answer to every objection they have. Prepare arguments and statistics if necessary to plead your case while still remaining respectful of their need for independence. This can be quite a delicate balance but it is something that must be done. Here are some tips to help you effectively communicate with your loved one regarding caregiving:

1. Prepare an outline of items you wish to discuss with your loved one so that you remember everything you wish to cover, especially if you are sidetracked. In addition to your outline of pertinent topics, be sure to have a list of possible solutions for caregiving so your loved one does not feel as if they are being given an ultimatum.

2. Calendar in a specific time for your caregiving talk with your loved one so that you are sure that no interruptions will occur. Turn off the phone ringers if necessary and find neutral ground such as a walk in the park or grabbing a cup of coffee somewhere. You know your loved one well so their most comfortable place to talk may be their own home where they feel they have the “house” advantage.

3. Express your feelings honestly letting them know how worried you are about them. In turn, give them the time without interruption for them to express what they are feeling. Both of you will have conflicting feelings. During your talk, also try to read the body language of your loved one. Sometimes, they may be saying what they think you want to hear but the truth is telling in their posture and other non-verbal communications.

4. You should be prepared for some hostility or negativity because you are suggesting caregiving and they may view it as a loss of independence. If their mental acuity is intact but their physical health is in question, you need to do what you can conversation-wise as well as plan-wise to ensure they will have as much autonomy as possible so they do not feel like a patient or a burden, something most people with infirmities hate feeling.

5. Don’t expect that everything will be solved in one conversation. Your loved one may need to process everything and analyze their situation. Be prepared to compromise on certain issues or at least be willing to find alternate solutions to certain caregiving problems. When you and your loved one are stuck on some issues, suggest a third party who could possibly act as a facilitator such as a social worker from a care agency, a counselor or even your church priest.

The best thing you can do is be honest with your loved one as well as yourself. Follow through with any promised plans you made with them. Be loving, yet persistent when you meet with opposition until they acknowledge caregiving may be the best solution for them to not only live longer but maintain independence as much as possible.

Serving as caregiver is the ultimate way to show how much you love someone, particularly if it is an elderly parent. However, the daily schedule of caregiving can wear a person out to the point of burnout. Do you know what burnout to a caregiver means? It means a shift in your personal paradigms – from upbeat and concerned to pessimistic and even resentful. Burnout causes emotional, mental and physical exhaustion which is the result of too much work without the necessary relief to from others to shoulder the burden of caregiving. If you are burned out, you may feel depressed, anxious about life and even overtired. Guilt is also a commonality among caregivers who burnout.

Identifying the Symptoms of Burnout

Caregiver burnout manifests itself in a variety of ways in your life and you may or may not realize you have it. There are some things to keep an eye out for:

1. Withdrawal from the very things that once made you happy such as hobbies and visiting with family and friends.

2. Your weight may fluctuate due to your erratic appetite. Some people may turn to food for companionship and solace and pack on the pounds whereas you might lose your appetite for food because it upsets your digestive system.

3. Sleep changes too and you might be too anxious to get but a few hours of sleep a night or you may sleep the entire day way, waking only to eat and go to the bathroom.

4. Irritability is a problem and can bleed into other areas of your life such as being indifferent to your family or overly sensitive.

5. Burnout can create total physical exhaustion and even bodily pain in the joints, muscles and also headaches.

6. Overwhelming feelings of guilt or wishing to harm yourself or even your loved one is common.

Reasons for Caregiver Burnout

When you spend so much time caring for your sick loved one as well as your spouse and children and even friends, you have nothing left for yourself. You end up neglecting your physical, emotional and mental health. With so many demands on your time, you need to take better care of yourself but that often may not happen. Other reasons for burnout include:

1. Role reversals – Your ailing loved one was once someone else to you – whether a friend, spouse or parent – so it can be hard to separate what once was with what is now. Indeed, it is tough on both parties when roles are switched so it can cause confusion and identity issues.

2. Perceived loss of control – Let’s face it … caregiving can throw your life for a loop. All of the sudden there are extra demands on your time, money and even physical abilities. Everything typically happens at once, making it seems as you have no control over the situation.

3. Too demanding – Caregivers are often hard on themselves because they do not feel they are doing all they can. If you are doing this, chances are you feel too much responsibility.

Preventing Burnout

The first step in preventing burnout is to know you cannot do it all on your own. Talk with someone you trust whether it is a close friend, spouse or even minister about it. Set goals for yourself and your ailing loved one and enlist help so that you can take breaks, even if it is for a walk in the park for fresh air. Be realistic about your loved one’s condition. Sometimes, you can only do so much before institutionalization is necessary.

Create a schedule for each day and pencil yourself in. If you write down to take a nice long bath or call a friend on the phone, you are less likely to put it off. Care about yourself so that you can do your best for your loved one. Know when to ask for help and arm yourself with as much knowledge as possible about your loved one’s condition so you know what to expect. Seek backup care such as home health care agencies, nursing homes, adult daycares or even an assisted living facility.

Most importantly, take care of yourself. Eat a nutritious diet, get some exercise and indulge in your favorite hobbies when possible. Seek out support groups if you start feeling as you are alone in this whole caregiving business. You could have help at your fingertips – you just have to know when to ask.

Many adults find themselves in the situation of caring for an aging parent or perhaps more than one. There are many different options available which are aimed to help those who are the caregivers for elderly family members; but the only way to be able to choose between these different options is to assess your own situation. In some cases, it is the best option for everyone involved if the aging person goes into a care facility; however, in less severe cases, it may be possible to arrange for the person to stay at home by adding a few home health care options into the person’s life.

One of the major decisions is where the elderly parent will live. For many working adults, it is much easier to take care of an elderly parent if they agree to move into the son or daughter’s home. In this way, many people can continue working and spending time with their families as well as take care of an elderly parent. Depending on the health and independence of the aging parent, different amounts of extra help might be needed. It may be the case that the parent can be home alone all day, but if that is not the case, there are plenty of organizations and people to turn to in order to get some help and support in the caregiving process.

One option is to find an adult day care center where healthier elderly people can go during the day in order to socialize and stay active with other people. At such a day care facility, people play games, listen to music together, organize trips and have lunch as a group. For most elderly people, this is much preferred over sitting home alone every day. Many aging people are not amenable to the idea of an adult day care center, but do remind them that they won’t know if they like it or not until they’ve tried it. Most elderly people who go to such a center end up being huge fans of the arrangement.

If your aging parent is not in good enough condition to go to a recreational adult day care center, you could also check to see if there’s a center in your area that includes health care. Such centers exist, they are just fewer and far between. These care centers are an excellent option for having an aging parent taken care of during the day while you are at work without having to put them into a nursing home.

Home care is also an option, although it offers fewer social benefits for the aging patient. Home care can either take on the form of medical care brought into the home or it can be as simple as hiring someone to come over an hour before lunch to do a little cleaning, having lunch with the aging parent and then cleaning up, visiting for a while, and then going on their way again. Depending on the type of home care that is necessary, the range in price is huge. Home health care can get very expensive very quickly, but having a local come over for a few hours every day can be very affordable and produce significantly satisfying results.

Talk with your aging parent to get a feel for what it is that they would like to do in terms of getting their needs met without moving to a nursing home. Also, talk to your siblings and other family members to see what everyone else thinks and to see if anyone is willing to help. For many families, the constraint of cost makes it necessary to keep all of the adult caregiving within the family, and even if that’s not, per se, necessary, it can be a very nice experience for all involved to each have a hand in the caregiving process. If one person does all of the caregiving, it grows very stressful and very tiring, but if ten family members each spend two hours a week, you might all enjoy it so much that you’ll never want to hire home care!

Great advances in medicine and knowledge of nutrition and health have created a booming aging population. This means that at some point, you may find yourself serving as caregiver to an elderly parent, spouse or some other loved one. The primary group of caregivers in this country is not found in nursing facilities or other institutional care but in the very homes of friends and family. Because caregiving is rather personal, you may find yourself learning a variety of new things from wound care to how to aid your loved one in personal grooming when they cannot help themselves. This dedication of care often requires adjusting your life in many ways.

While it may seem disheartening to have to care for a loved one who can no longer do so themselves, you should see it as an opportunity to reconnect with them. You will have many moments of togetherness and it may be awkward at times given the personal nature of some things but overall, it is a learning experience. By involving your family, whether it is a child, spouse or someone else, the loved one in your care can bound with them too. Kids can learn a lot from the elderly and others who require care and often times, they enjoy bringing some happiness in someone’s life.

Your caregiving journey is unique and you will be surprised at how you react to certain situations. The ability to laugh and cry is important as is the strength to reach out and ask for help. Caring for someone pushes you to new depths emotionally, mentally and physically in both bad and good ways. Regardless, you will grow because of your caregiving role and when that loved one is gone, you will feel a sense of accomplishment for making a difference in their life.

Role Reversals

If it is a parent you are taking care of, you will feel as if there is a role reversal. Once they diapered your bottom and looked out for your interests and now the shoe is on the other foot. This can be a bit disconcerting and even traumatic for some but if you establish expectations with your parent in advance including ground rules, you can avoid quite a few conflicts. Remember, this caregiving situation is hard on your parent too. Their role has always been the provider and taking care of you, even after you reach adulthood, so the role reversal can seem demeaning to them at first. By being empathetic of their feelings, you can search your own and find a happy medium that will satisfy everyone.

Differing Reactions

Men and women react differently when it comes to caregiving just as spouses, children and siblings may react differently to the situation. You must be cognizant of each affected individual’s reactions and recognize that everyone is processing the situation differently. If it is an elderly parent in question, the children will have different opinions on how to handle the caregiving.

You will definitely get to know your family more deeply when faced with a caregiving situation because of the differing family dynamics. You may discover that one sibling who you thought was a bit flaky is actually rock solid and ready to help in a pinch while your responsible sibling may disassociate themselves because they cannot handle it all.

The best way to ensure the whole caregiving situation goes relatively smoothly is through open, honest communication. If you tell your loved one how awkward you feel in certain tasks, perhaps they could help you find an alternate solution that makes you both feel better about it. Regardless, being cognizant of each other’s feelings will make your caregiving journey more rewarding and special.

Someone once said that everything in life boils down to two things – either you end up serving as the role of caregiver or you are the one in need of care. The role of a caregiver is all-encompassing and when it is for an adult, that job is compounded exponentially because of the dynamics of the adult relationship. There are many situations in which an adult caregiver is needed – you may hire one to help care for a sick parent or you yourself may end up with the role of caregiver.

An adult caregiver has a variety of roles to perform. There are possible financial aspects like paying bills and balancing a checkbook to aiding in every day activities such as transporting to and from doctor appointments or going grocery shopping. For adults who need more in depth care, they may require help in bathing, eating, dressing and taking medications. When a family member is thrown into the caregiver role, they may not automatically see it as such but rather a natural extension of familial responsibility and love. However, that family dynamic can become rather strained, particularly if the caregiving extends for prolonged periods of time.

How the Caregiving Role Comes into Play

The need for help may be a gradual process. An elderly parent may live alone just fine until a fall incapacitates them and they need care. They may recover but not be able to fully live alone again without some type of help. Or the adult child just worries about their parent(s) and checks in with them often, helping them with occasional chores. Caregiving has no clearly defined role other than taking care of someone in any capacity.

An elderly parent may move in with an adult child or the adult child may hire someone as caregiver for a parent who refuses to relinquish their independence living on their own. Neighbors, friends and even social workers can fill in the caregiver role in some way. In fact, quite a few adults have caregivers that are family or familiar to them that do not receive pay. For the rest, there are many home health care or service agencies that are equipped to help older adults with their needs.

Two of the top reasons why many adult children end up in the role of caregiver for their parent or other loved one are due to injury or some type of brain impairment like Alzheimer’s Disease or some other type of dementia. Of course, there are also heart attack, stroke, cancer, Parkinson’s disease and other impairing health conditions which may precipitate the need for adult care. Cost of assisted living or health care facilities are what drive most families to keep the caregiving in the family.

Getting through the Responsibility

The role of caregiver can be stressful especially when the adult that needs care is independent and set in their ways. There is a fine line between being grateful for the care and resentful because life as they know it is gone. For this reason, many caregivers experience burnout which is the result of being overworked, overstressed and the feeling that you need help but don’t know where to turn.

Luckily, there are resources for caregivers to seek help such as support groups, online chat rooms and more. Good communication is important, especially if there are several family members who could help out. The key is actually asking for help, rather than trying to soldier on. Caregiving is hard work and just like a “regular” job, you need a vacation from it on occasion. The adult caregiver role is multi-faceted but can also be rewards as well.

Caregiving is a rewarding experience as well as being a whole lot of work and being extremely stressful at times. Many people only hear about the negative aspects of being a caregiver for a family member; the positive impact of being a caregiver is seldom a focus of the media and general conversations about caregiving.

Most full-time caregivers are caring for either an elderly parent or an aging spouse. In the case of parents who are aging, significant areas of stress in the situation include the time needed in order to properly care for an elderly person at home as well as the financial and organizational efforts needed to coordinate care. Many family disputes arise when siblings are in disagreement about what the proper route of care should be. In this sort of family situation, there is often a lot of stress between siblings and spouses; however, the benefits of caring for an aging parent are usually quite apparent.

Grown adults who take care of their elderly parents often forge new relationships with their parents and gain a whole new perspective on their family’s past through the experience of reversing the caregiver—dependent party relationship. Another common area where a lot of benefits are found is that spending so much time with an aging parent means incredible powers of bonding in many situations.

These positive benefits enjoyed by the grown children of elderly parents are sometimes the same benefits enjoyed by a spouse who becomes the caregiver of their husband or wife. In other situations, these same benefits are not found in this different caregiving situation. For some couples, a new implicit understanding develops between them when they spend their entire day together. In other situations, these two aging partners, one with significant need of help and the other being the source of that help, it can be the case that these two partners grow angry and hostile with each other instead of finding a new peace and understanding in their relationship.

Even if this is the case, there is a silver lining to be found if the caregiver gets enough support for him or herself. An important thing to emphasize is that the stresses and concerns of an adult caregiver are 100% real. The physical demands of being responsible for another person (who is potentially as physically large as you) are significant. In addition to the physical demands, the amount of time needed is substantial and the amount of patience and understanding that is needed can be overwhelming, especially in cases where the mind of the other person is deteriorating. An important thing to remember is that the caregiver has to have a support network, time to him or herself, and a healthy lifestyle in order to be a successful caregiver.

Some adult caregivers find a new respect for their own well-being through the experience of taking care of someone else. The doctor of a caregiver, as well as his or her friends and family will tell them often to take care of themselves, both in terms of physical health and mental health. Caregivers need full nights of sleep and a well-balanced diet, not to mention sufficient exercise and a stable mental life. Caregivers often see this demand to take care of their own life in order to be capable of taking care of their spouse as one of the most positive results of being a caregiver. Not only do you spend time and energy on the person you love, but you also have to take the time and energy to keep yourself well. This makes both members of a couple happier and healthier in the long run, which is what caregiving is all about.

Caring for an ailing or elderly parent can be stressful and that situation is compounded when you and your brothers and sisters cannot agree on the best way to provide for them. There could be dissention in the ranks regarding placing your parent in an assisted living or nursing facility versus hiring a caregiver to visit or live in the parent’s home. When the role of parent and child are reversed, some sibling relationships flourish while others suffer. It is the pressure of making a decision for the parent’s best interest that often leads to strained relationships.

The primary source of contention between siblings can be traced back to the roles that each person played in the family dynamics. Because the caregiving decision can be hard, this brings out old fights, tensions and unsettled grievances among the siblings. The ailing parent can no longer play referee and soothe hurt feelings so old wounds and rivalries re-emerge. It is quite normal for those old childhood roles to resurface but the problem is that they will bring even more contention to the caregiving table and cause undue stress on the parent who is ill.

Another issue arises that also adds to the tension of siblings when determining the best caregiving options for an ailing parent. Denial plays a big part of sibling dissention when at least one sibling refuses to face the facts of their parent’s health and need for additional assistance. When faced with a parent’s illness, they are unable to accept and believe in the reality of the situation so they disassociate themselves totally from the equation. They will refuse to be a part of the caregiving decisions as a way to protect their own self from the fact that their parent may eventually die and no longer be there for them. The other siblings in tune with the situation may react in anger and resentment.

Sometimes, the majority of caregiving duties fall upon one sibling in particular. This situation often breeds contention amongst siblings because of the imbalanced distribution of caregiving responsibilities. Perhaps one sibling lives closest to the ill parent and while others may work or live farther away or maybe that sibling is perceived as having fewer obligations than the rest so the duties fall to them. Regardless of how this imbalance of responsibilities comes into play, the primary sibling caregiver can start feeling resentful and taken advantage of by the others. They may also feel overextended physical, mentally and emotionally and need a break.

These feelings of dissention among siblings regarding caregiving for the parent is nothing new but resolving these disagreements can be tough. Ignoring the situation does not work and putting off anything only adds to the problem. Here are some things you can try to get things done:

1. If the responsibilities of caring for your ailing parents falls to you, it is important to openly and honestly tell your siblings how you feel and ways that you feel they could help you with the burden. Perhaps they feel slighted because you do not keep them updated enough. Keep an open line of communication.

2. Each sibling cannot always contribute equally because of proximity to the parent, other familial obligations like kids or even work. Be realistic. Everyone has resources they can bring to the table and everyone will need to communication effectively to see what they are. Perhaps, the sibling furthest away cannot visit every day but maybe they have the resources to hire an outside caregiver once or twice a week to give another sibling a break.

3. Respect each other’s feelings and learn to compromise. Also, be sure to be complimentary and express appreciation when other siblings do pitch in so they feel positive about the experience.

4. When families simply cannot agree on anything regarding the caregiving responsibilities, sibling may need to hire an outside mediator or consultant well-versed in these matters to provide impartialness to the whole proceedings. Remember, the caregiving situation is not about you or your siblings – it is about the best interests of your ailing parent.

Adopting the role of caregiver is a long tradition of many families as it is the ultimate way to show love, kindness and devotion to a loved one in need. At some point in time, you or a family member will need a caregiver or have to step into the adult caregiver role – perhaps to care for an elderly parent. As the general population is growing older and living longer, there is an escalating need for adult caregiving and many families step into that role to fulfill that need.

While caregiving can be rewarding, it is a role that is also fraught with anxiety, fear, fatigue, stress and even some resentment. The possibility of burnout is quite high in adult caregivers and as a result, there are steps that should be taken to ensure that not only is your loved one well cared for but that you are as well. If you are not happy and are stressed and tired all the time, how will that translate to your caregiving role?

Half the battle is recognizing that you are close to burning out and the other half is doing something about it. You have to recognize that your own physical, emotional and mental health is just as important, if not more, than your loved one. Plus, you have to know when to ask for help and not be shy about it. Here are some important caregiver tips to prevent burnout:

1. Research your options for temporary long-term and short-term care when you need to take a vacation, a long weekend away or if you have to leave for an emergency. There are many agencies that offer in-home care or companion assistance, just as there are facilities that accept short-term patients should your loved one require constant care. Have these alternate caregivers waiting in the wings should you need them.

2. Schedule regular time away from your caregiving role. Enlist the help of siblings, friends and neighbors who can effectively watch over your loved one so that you can take a break whether it is going to the movies, going on a long walk, attending your child’s football game or having a date night with your spouse.

3. Join a support group through church, on the internet or even through a local agency. Commiserating with other people going through the same thing can greatly help your state of mind. Knowing those feelings of anger and frustration are normal definitely help diminish feeling guilty as well. Plus, you may learn new ways to cope or find help that you did not think of before.

4. Indulge in a hobby or something to take your mind off matters. Gardening, cross stitching, walking, listening to music and other activities can greatly help divert your attention away from your stress and give you a sense of well-being, sort of like recharging your internal batteries to be able to cope with your caregiving role more effectively.

5. Find time every day to pamper yourself so that you have something to look forward to. It may be waking 30 minutes early to savor a gourmet cup of coffee in peace or soaking in a hot tub full of bubbles. Perhaps it is those precious minutes of reading time while your loved one sleeps. Whatever unravels those internal knots, if only for a little while, is what you should do each day.

Always remember – it is not selfish to want to be alone and it is ok and perfectly normal to feel frustrated and angry about your situation. You will realize many rewards in caregiving such as getting to know your loved one more but those rewards do come at a price sometimes. By taking care of yourself first, you will be able to take care of your loved ones more effectively and efficiently.

What happens when you want to take care of your elderly parent but they live in Texas while you live in Oregon? Long distance caregiving can be quite demanding and nerve wracking because you are wondering what is happening with your parent and how they are doing when you are not there to see them. Whether it is one hour or ten hours, you have to determine the best way to take care of your loved one’s needs long distance without robbing them of their self-confidence and sense of independence. Here are some strategies to get you started on your quest to efficient, yet caring of a loved one long distance:

1. Organize your thoughts and actions. Get a lay of the land so to speak and understand where things stand in terms of your elderly parent’s general health, ability to care for themselves, mobility issues, cognitive and mental acuity and level of care needed. Without a true understanding of the situation, you will never be in command of it.

2. Travel to see your ill loved one. This relates to number one above. In order to understand what is going on, you really need to visit your elderly parent in person and see for yourself where things stand. Schedule an appointment with your parent’s doctor. Make it a point to meet your parent’s neighbors and who they are friendly with – whether it is someone down the street, at church or through some other means. These connections will likely be your lifeline once you return home.

By having some friends and neighbors at the ready you have a built-in group reporting to you giving your progress reports on your loved one. They can stop by your aging parent’s home to offer assistance and companionship. They can take turns chauffeuring your loved one around on errands.

3. Use the geriatric network in your parent’s area to locate the local centers or agencies on aging. If you are seeking any caregiving resources whatsoever, these agencies are your best bet when your hands are tied at a distance. If you need to find a home health care nurse, an assisted living facility or even a group home that deals with dementia, tap into this aging resource.

4. Get the legalities out of the way. While it is difficult, you need to speak with your loved one regarding a will, setting up a trust or even a power of attorney so that you can act on their behalf in the even they become incapacitated. It is best to do this while your loved one still understands what is going on.

5. Tackle finances with your loved one. A joint ownership is one way to protect your loved one. Set up automatic bill pay and online banking so that your loved one does not have to worry about writing check to pay bills and you can balance their checkbook and the account online you’re your own home.

6. Keep a plan of action in the event your loved one’s friends or local caregiver calls you with news of trouble. Having a plan means you do not have to think about what to do when you are stressed by the call that something is wrong with your ailing parent. Your one thought should be how to get to them, not having to research several different airlines and rental cars online for the best deals.

7. Consider relocating your sick parent close to you, especially when their health has declined and the need for an in-home nursing assistance or 24 hour care is eminent. You have to examine your options of whether moving them in with you is the right choice or finding an assisted living or nursing facility.

8. The final piece of advice is to not neglect your own needs during the caregiving process. You may end up so focused on the needs of your loved one that you may not immediately realize the stress you are under.

Making the decision to move an elderly parent in with you is not one to jump into lightly. There are many things to consider including how your parent feels about the whole situation. You would be making drastic changes to your lifestyle as would your family. The family dynamic and roles will change causing tension and worry.

The decision to be your parent’s caregiver inside your own home is not always clear cut. First of all, you need to decide (with your parent) whether or not there are intermediate steps to take before making the big leap. Could you afford a caregiver to live with your parent? Can your parent even live alone safely? How comfortable do you feel with the role reversal? There are many things to consider first. Here are some questions that may crop up in the course of making that caregiving decision:

The Family Dynamic

First of all, many aging parents may feel they do not need any help and might resist moving in with you. How are you planning to talk with them about it? You need to be prepared with a list of reasons why they can no longer live alone. Also, your family will be changed as well if a parent moves in with you. How will your ailing parent integrate with your family? How will your spouse and kids feel and in what way will their lives change? You will need to talk with your family to even see if moving your parent in is the right thing for everyone involved.

You need your own personal time and space but how will you get them with a parent to take care of in your home? What would your limits be in caring for your ailing parent before a nursing becomes the better choice? How dependent will the parent be on you beyond the food and shelter and can you fulfill those responsibilities? Will any siblings feel resentful if you are the one taking care of your parent?

Modifying your Living Space

When the decision to move a parent in to your home comes into play, do you have any idea where to put them? Will one of your family members be displaced from their room and cause resentment? Can a spare room, home office or den be converted successfully for your parent? Would building an addition to the home be possible so no one loses their personal space? How about home modifications for any assistive devices? Would you have to build a wheelchair ramp, install special door knobs or railings?

Consider the “baggage” your parent will be bringing with them. Can you handle their yapping lap dog or precious kitty? Could you handle questionable personal behaviors such as smoking or drinking? What about having friends over? Can you handle your parent’s many friends coming over to visit?

Time and Money

Time and money are other aspects to consider when your parent moves in so you can care for them. How do you handle your finances as well as theirs? Should they offer to pay some rent or contribute to groceries? What should be the division of expenses? How will other family members such as your siblings feel about the financial aspect? Will you have to change jobs, reduce your work hours or quit all together to serve as caregiver to your parent?

If you do have to work, how will your parent care for themselves during the day? Will you hire a companion? Do you have any inkling on how you plan to juggle your needs, that of your spouse and kids in addition to your parent? How will the division of labor be spread out?

Other Considerations

Some parental caregiving may require with personal issues. Could you handle spoon feeding your parent? What about bathing them or changing their diaper should they have incontinence? Do you know what to expect in regards to your parent’s health and what to do in an emergency? Would you be able to take care of yourself so that you do not burn out serving as caregiver? If you need time to yourself, are you willing to hire a nurse or someone for respite care?

You have got to look before you leap into any situation regarding proving parental caregiving in your own home. There is not just one party (your parent) to think of but many, so delving into all of those questions above will help you make your decision.